I scratched my head reading this now out-dated and irrelevant editorial — titled in the Yakima Herald “The Wrong GOP Congressman is in Political Trouble”, titled in the Seattle Times “This GOP waterboy should go”, a shrug at Reichert and a slap at Hastings.

The line I’m scratching my head at is: And there’s speculation he’s on the short succession list for speaker of the House.  Saints, preserve us.

Huh?  What?  Did I miss something?  Apparently I did…

The list is controversial and, at least one congressional scholar says, may be unconstitutional.  It was devised to ensure a calm transition if terrorists were to hit the Hill and Congress couldn’t quickly elect a new speaker, as spelled out in the Constitution.  But these days, the disaster most likely to hit Hastert, R-Ill., is the Mark Foley scandal involving sexually explicit e-mails to underage congressional pages.  The speculation is that Hastert, who likes those who like him, named reliable GOP members to the list.  At the moment, Hastert is in a public dispute with the House Majority Leader, John Boehner of Ohio, and not exactly hugging the next most powerful Republican, House Whip Roy Blunt.  But when members say “Hastert loyalist,” they frequently say “Doc Hastings.”  Hastings, R-Pasco, became Hastert’s protégé several years ago.

All of which is meaningless today.  Dennis Hastert is now perhaps not a back-bencher, but a mid-bencher.  If it would have taken a nuclear strike on Washington, DC to make Doc Hastings the unconstitutional Speaker of the House in the new post-armegeddon America, that chance is now completely gone.  (And I like the idea that “Hastert loyalist” is/was synanomus on Capitol Hill with “Doc Hastings”.)

Likewise, the other, more traditional means that Doc Hastings would have gotten to the title “Speaker of the House”:

Conversely, in Eastern Washington, Bush Country, Rep. Doc Hastings, who might have wound up House speaker if his Republican Party hadn’t lost its edge,

Maybe Doc Hastings will be Speaker of the House yet.  See, the Republicans will lose the next few elections, to the point where Doc Hastings is the only Republican Representative left.  And, the tide will turn in the next election, where the Republicans will take back control of the House and Doc Hastings will be the only Republican with any type of Seniority.  His dream is there yet!

Apparently, Monsieur Doc Hastings has opted out of the Endorsement Process for the Yakima Herald. I understand this from a political vantage point. His opponent is underfunded and has no real means of making headway. And the way to avoid the political headache of being a Republican toady with head of the Ethics Committee is through the maxim “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

I’ve read the endorsements the Yakima Herald gave for all of Doc Hastings’s race. As long as the Democratic opponent met a certain level of credibility — which the 1998 candidate did not, or was not perceived as too “liberal” — as the 2002 candidate was — the Democrat received the endorsement. Tellingly the endorsements were always mixed — the 2004 endorsement was practically a coin flip — but most tellingly Hastings’ drawback in the eyes of the Yakima Herald has always been a high level of deference and lack of independence to the Republican Leadership. That problem has been multiplied to the nth degree.

It is as written ever so eloquently here: Now, I have no reason to think Hastings knew about Foley, mainly because Hastings is a lump of coal. It’s easy to believe that the real powers in the GOP don’t tell him anything. […] Even if Hastings knew nothing about Foley’s actions, it does not excuse Hastings from moral culpability. Hastings has been a lump of coal on purpose; the sole intent of his chairmanship was to render the ethics committee powerless. And this is what you get–a Congress that is accountable to nobody.

The disturbances of being a functionary lackey for this particular party has been exposed as an exercise in Evil (whatever you can say about being the man who literally had the task of holding the gavel for the 15 minute Medicare Vote for that 3 hour middle of the night session — the other great exercise in being a functionary lackey).

I note that the ABC Reporter who brought us this Mark Foley scandal notes, while keeping the confidentiality, that his sources were Republicans. I wander my mind over to the last issue of the Washington Monthly, and to various murmurs of carefully couched words spoken by various Republicans over the year. The sense is that this Republican Party is untenuable, has lost its way, and the best thing for “our Conservative Goals” is to lose and spend a little bit of time in the Wilderness. I’m intimating a conspiracy theory here that makes more sense than two other conspiracy theories I’ve heard. (1) The Mark Foley story was released to take the public’s mind off of Iraq (we’ve just disbanded their police unit for the crime of merging into a Death Squad, in case you missed that story), and more specifically the Bob Woodward Book. (2) More sensical, ABC released the Mark Foley story in a competition with CBS News and 60 Minutes — our media sources shift from CBS to ABC for the most sensational story. ‘Tis business, that.

A federal law governing protection of American Indian graves would be amended to allow scientific study of ancient remains discovered on federal lands if the remains have not been tied to a current tribe, under a bill proposed by U.S. Rep. Doc Hastings.

“My proposal protects the rights of present day Native Americans to claim the remains of their ancestors when found on federal lands,” Hastings said. “At the same time, it reiterates that in cases of truly ancient human remains – such as Kennewick Man – Congress does not intend to block scientific study.”

I have no opinion on Kennewick Man. It does not affect me; it does not affect anyone I know; it does not affect anyone who anyone I know knows. I want my remains to be fed to wolves.

I have two suggestions for Kennewick Man. Give it to the UN. I have no real reason to give it to the UN, except to give people a reason to give a middle finger to the hovering black helicopters I’ve heard hover over the area.

The second possibility is to give it to Skull and Bones. Thus they can hand back Geronomo’s skull to the Nez Perce tribe, and mend those fences. And then snub their thumb at a different tribe, as is, apparently, their prolonged adolsecent want.

It occurs to me a martian with no knowledge of American politics looking in on this blog with no sight of anything else would believe that the most powerful figures in American politics are George W Bush, Lyndon LaRouche, and Doc Hastings.

Never mind.

Ladies and gentlemen, Brain Surgeon Richard “Doc” Hastings, tapping into the Wilsonian impulse, a man who rarely speaks up on the floor of the House was driven to speak up on the floor of the House.:

“When George Washington was elected the first President there was a king in France, a czarina in Russia, an emperor in China, and a shogun in Japan. The American President was the only elected leader at the time. Today, countries on every continent elect their own leaders. The number of democracies currently stands at an all-time high, and has been growing without interruption for some time. Freedom and self-government is on the march around the world. History has shown that those countries who elect their leaders are less belligerent than those that do not.”

I think he gave that speech yesterday while debating the Congresional Resolution that more or less declared that “Be it resolved that we are AmeriCANS”, the equivalent of passing a resolution for “National Pickle Day” except with a couple landmines for political foes to step into in that after declaring that we are “AmeriCANS”, and stuffing the “where-ases” with any number of false frames, states something to the effect of “To veer onto any other course is treasonous to America.”

Or so it would seem.

At any rate, our friends in Congress can dust off the speeches they gave yesterday and provide the same speech as they debate the tried and true Flag Burning Amendment.

It’s a strange mix of late-18th century governments that Doc has listed for us to compare with our current state of affairs. A czarina in Russia as opposed to a former KGB and authoritarian President, systematically chiseling away at Democratic institutions that never quite manifested themselves in that nation. An emporer in China, as opposed to a Communist prime minister, changing the definition of Communism and squashing the myth that Capitalism is automatically a synonym for “Democracy”.

Incidentally, the Democratically elected officials, such as they are, of the sovereign state of Iraq, such as it is, are asking for a Time Table. At the same time, the Democratically elected officials of Iraq, such as they are, they’re working out how to grant amnesty to Insurgents in Iraq who aim for Americans. Figure it out for yourself.

Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, getting over his aggrivation over the disappearance of his “Bridge to Nowhere” from the Omnibus Bill, a Historian for the ages– “I really believe we ought to try to find some way to encourage that country to demonstrate to those people who have been opposed to what we’re trying to do, that it’s worthwhile for them and their children to come forward and support this democracy. And if that’s amnesty, I’m for it. I’d be for it. And if those people who are, come forward… if they bore arms against our people, what’s the difference between those people that bore arms against the Union in the War between the States? What’s the difference between the Germans and Japanese and all the people we’ve forgiven?”

The difference is that the Germans and Japanese and Confederates had just prior given unconditional surrender. Such as it was.

I Know some DARK secrets of Murder about Mr. Pross
that is NOT B.S. and he is dangerous in a position
of POWER. Please respond to this e-mail
THIS IS REAL

Dark secrets of Murder involving Gordon Allen Pross? The rumours are true! (Huh?)

I’m having trouble conjuring up a corrupt and ruthless Organized Crime exercise with Gordon Allen Pross in the mix. But I’m informed that “this is real”, “this is not b.s.”, and “he is dangerous in a position of power.”

But his position of power looks to be receding. Or maybe it was diffused through his two high points: his allegiance to 25% of the fourth congressional district of Washington State to his allegiance to 2% of the entire state of Washington’s Republicans — as opposed to the two mid-points of 2% allegiance to the 4th district’s Washington Republicans.

Party Support of 1998 House Campaigns

PROSS, GORDON ALLEN
L 24 DEM C $0 $0 $0 $0 $0 $0
HASTINGS, RICHARD “DOC”
W 68 REP I $10,117 $0 $0 $0 $577,761 $450,596

So, dispensing with the Democratic Party and the Republican party, who and where does anybody know where Gordon Allen Pross buried the bodies? And, assuming the bodies are there for a political purpose, to what end are they buried?

I shrug now. I know nothing. I will not impugn the integrity of Gordon Allen Pross, who at this moment I assume is innocent of anything except that which was sort of famous for — Pross, who in his last campaign used his 1988 arrest for eluding police and the week in jail he spent in 1996 for assault to illustrate his fight against government. If you have evidence of anything beyond this, feel free to contact the authorities.

Dateline Prosser, Washington: Big Rodents Overrun Washington Seniors

Residents say the oversized rodents are swarming through the 75-unit development of manufactured homes near the airport of this Eastern Washington town, burrowing under homes, fouling front porches with their droppings and _ according to some unconfirmed accounts _ attacking people. […]

“Can you imagine what they’d do to cats?” asked Dick Bain, 78, a Wine Country resident who dispatched two of the animals with a shovel Friday. […]

Concerned about the droppings, which Bain said often are tracked indoors “even though you think you’ve cleaned it off,” residents say officials in the Benton-Franklin Health Department have told them there’s nothing the agency can do because the animals pose no public health risk, including the spread of infectious disease.

Police add that town ordinances prohibit residents from shooting the critters.[…]
………………

The marmots are going to go on to Grandview and Benton City, and they’re going to Sunnyside and Mabton and Granger and Toppennish. And then they’re going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House! Yeaaaaagggggh!!!

For whatever it’s worth:

The last time the state Republicans convened here — in 1992 — the ultraconservative side of the party prevailed with a divisive platform that some said cost votes. The platform, which amounts to the party’s identification card, railed against homosexuality, sex education, witchcraft and the United Nations, to name just a few hot-button issues of the day.

Interesting to use “ultraconservative” in a straight news story like that. It denotes some kind of bias, though I won’t quite go so far as say “liberal bias”. Maybe “Sensible” bias? I’m brought to the puzzlement of seeing the words “Witchcraft” and “Hot button issue” in related fashion.

A quick bit of googling shows me that the Washington State Republican Party Platform of 1992, crafted out there in Yakima, Washington, also called for the criminilization of Yoga classes.

But this time one theme will prevail, said Diane Tebelius, state party chairwoman. “Unity,” Tebelius said in a telephone interview.
[…]

Harmony notwithstanding, Tebelius said the Yakima convention will be lively, even though this isn’t a presidential election year. No hot topic is automatically off the agenda, she added.

Good. We get to hear the witches and the witch-burners go at it about whether we should keep Yoga legal or not. That should keep the Republicans busy.

Apparently the House Ethics Committee has slipped past their logjam, and are now going to get down to work. It’s a simple equation: Give the Ds a Bob Ney and give the Rs a William Jefferson.

I think this just might work. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. Somewhat.

Line up the Corrupt Democrats — Ethically challenged, soaking in blood, who conceptualize their seat of power as nothing more than a conduit to the monied interests that have propped them up.

(1) William Jefferson of Louisiana. There’s not a whole lot of surprise that there’s a corrupt Democrat popping out of Louisiana. Huey Long casts a long shadow in that state.
(2) Alan B. Mollohan of West Virginia.
(3) Oh, there’s probably some Representative from Illinois that churned out of Richard Daley’s Chicago Machine, or somewhere around there.
(4) Is there some protege of Torricelli floating up there, from the great state of New Jersey (another bastion of Corrupt Politicos)?

All of this adds up to the “Culture of Hypocrisy” that one political party is levelling at the other political party for charging them with the “Culture of Corruption”.

Turn over to the Republican side of the aisle.

Perhaps the House Ethics Committee is beside the point. After all,

(1) Tom DeLay of Texas has been bumped out even with all the stalling in the world. I note for all the world to behold: he had the levels of control with the Dominant Political Party in Washington. This is the very definition of “systematic”.
(2) Duke Cunningham of California was bumped out, with nary a word uttered by such a thing as a “House Ethics Committee”. The comedy with Duke Cunningham is that he is, quite literally, by the measurement of personal use of public goods, the Most Corrupt Congress Critter in American History.

It is at this point that I admit that these two have, by some means and perhaps the means are less important than the result, been dealt with. But never mind, we are just going to have to grandfather these people into the “one for one” equation. I suggest the possibility that everyone who is more or less a subordinate to these politicos (on both sides) should be court martialed in this little game… but that would toss out maybe 227 of the 232 Republicans.

(3) Bob Ney of Ohio. Also Known as “Representative #1”, because when you release anonymous name in court documents you need some placeholder to allow a person to say something instead of “Blacked out”.
(4) John Doolittle of California.

It is at this point in time in which we have reached a Democrat to Republican equal ratio, even as I tossed up two unnamed hypothetical but plausible Democratic examples that have not materialized that a little digging might unearth, if the Republicans care to pass out the line of “Culture of Hypocrisy” against the Democratic charge of “Culture of Corruption.” Tit for tat. Tat for tit. If things become a bit shallow on one end, so be it. Maybe I can grandfather James Trafficant into this equation, but I don’t feel like it — a Democrat that voted for Hastert for House Speaker — whether this makes him a better or worse guy than Zell Miller, who voted for Tom Daschle over Bill Frist and Trent Lott, and then proceeded to confer with Frist and Lott, I do not know.

(5) Charles Taylor of North Carolina.

It is at this point in the game that the Republicans can give us their investigations into — um — Jim McDermott of Washington and — um — Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. The former Doc Hastings says he’s looking into, the latter Tom DeLay says he was going to file one against for her infamous incident with House Security — such as that was — though it appears he won’t — probably whatever amusement comes from this petty little fit of frustration has faded.

The reality is that the Democratic Party in Congress can’t hope of becoming as corrupt as the Republican Party in Congress until they gain any power, by simple definition corruption requires Power. Wait a decade and the revolving door game might be able to be played. But only sort of — does anybody remember what the Corruption of the lingering into the early 90s Democratic Congress was like that Newt Gingrich railed against, anyway?

Richard “Doc” Hastings pops his head through an old story.

Second, Hastings is responsible for the passage of the Medicare Drug Bill. In charge of timing the vote for the unpopular bill, Hastings broke the House rules, which limit voting to 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, the bill had failed, but Hastings kept the vote open for an unprecedented three more hours so the President could twist arms to pressure lawmakers to change their vote and finally to secure the bill’s narrow passage.

It makes sense, and had I not been told this but asked “Was Doc in charge of keeping time for that Medicare Bill passing?”, I’d say “Strong likelihood”. So he sat there, doing the parliamentary job of keeping time — there’s a good chance that if you click on C-SPAN’s coverage of the House proceedings, he is presiding, raising his gavel and passing out time-shares. In the case of the Medicare Re(De)form vote, that meant stretching fifteen minutes out to three hours. Doc Hastings — or, wait, I’m sorry — I mean Richard “Doc” Hastings (somewhere along the line I picked up word that his staffers are driven mad when one refers to him in that manner) is nothing if not a foot-soldier and gofer. Which means that he keeps popping up in the background of stories like this one, unnamed — following through with these technicalities.

Whose idea it was to pursue the ethics charges against Jim McDermott, I do not know. A more real case, of course, was sitting across Doc’s table — the Democratic co-chair of the Ethics Commitee who, incidentally, stepped down once the glare focused on him. What is this — simply a matter of the most entrenched Republican in Washington State’s House delegation looking at the most entrenched Democrat for Entertainment’s sake?