I can’t say that these comments that I just deleted are terribly humourous… but they’re… amusing enough. I had to delete them because I’m worried about the possibility that things will go haywire and someone might end up with a 12 hour erection, and blame me for keeping the link up there… perhaps have John Edwards defend them in some cross-action suit. (And we all know how effective John Edwards has been as a trial lawyer…)
#1: If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you’re going to
have to get a toehold in the public eye.
#2: Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
#3: Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
has been discontinued.
#4: Carperpetuation (kar’ pur pet u a shun), n.:
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
— Rich Hall, Sniglets
#5: Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
Less dear than army ants in apple pies
Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
Like honeybees upon the perfum’d rose
They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
Go fly a kite, thy welcome’s overstayed;
And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
#6: SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will
achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
#7: When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
— Donald Douglas
#8: Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire
rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better
than he does.
As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about
it. I am told that he appears to be strong and rosy, and steadily
sane. But we will be doing what he wants us to do, I think, if we
consider his exterior a sort of Dorian Gray facade. Inwardly, he is
being eaten alive by tinhorn politicians.
The disease is fatal. There is no known cure. The most we can
do for the poor devil, it seems to me, is to name his disease in his
honor. From this moment on, let all those who feel that Americans can
be as easily led to beauty as to ugliness, to truth as to public
relations, to joy as to bitterness, be said to be suffering from Hunter
Thompson’s disease. I don’t have it this morning. It comes and goes.
This morning I don’t have Hunter Thompson’s disease.
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr. on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Excerpt
from A Political Disease, Vonnegut’s review of Fear
and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72