The History of East Korea


On sole virtue of being communist, East Korea is an excessively drab, unfunny, grey and dreary nation. The capital is noted for a persistent, dismal drizzle of precipitation, like England or the space under a Frenchman’s groin. This is the effect of a combination of the North Korean Cold Current and the East Korea Warm Current, which combine to form the West Korea Lukewarm Current.

The heroic capital of East Korea is GeoffP City named after the Great Leader of East Korea. Just North of GeoffP City is a huge heroic facility for disposal of handicapped people rounded up in the capital. Obviously letting The Great Leader live in the same city as handicapped people is an insult to The Great Leader. Dead and handicapped people are burned east of GeoffP City often leading to huge columns of black smoke in the East eradicating the need for a compass.

After all the excitement of the capital city the rest of East Korea is rather boring (but heroic), with the People’s Forests in the southwest and the People’s fish in the People’s ocean, and the People’s Garbage Dumps and People’s Barbed-Wire Fences around the People’s Impenetrable Borders to…uh…keep out the Imperialist Running-Dog South Koreans and the Not-Imperialist-But-Brother-Communists-We-Don’t-Like North Koreans. In between these features are several secret facilities of the illuminati. They are shown on the map with invisible pixels. You can make them visible by sprinkling your screen with the pee of a virgin, or the tears of a Gypsy (slang for Roma). The East Korea Warm Current passes north along the eastern coastline.

On most maps the Great Nation of East Korea is depicted as ocean. Obviously these maps are produced by denialists.

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