Getting Motivated
This has been advertised in the Oregonian for the past couple of months now, the “GET MOTIVATED SEMINAR” conference of a collection of motivational speakers, held yesterday. It’s an inexpensive way for corporate managers to provides something that evokes a break for their employees, while keeping them from straying outside their corporate culture Yuppie Fundo.
It’s “The Superbowl” of such things, apparently. Zig Ziglar, whoever the hell he is — I guess a professional motivational speaker who can spout out the name of Jesus Christ for everyone, since one can trace the whole structure to Evangelical Tent Meetings it’s just as well. And look… Robert Schuller is speaking! Why wouldn’t we want to hear him? Beyond them — a cast of big names from the world of Football and vaguely Republican ledgers.
Rudolph Giuliani will teach you how to lead in difficult times! Or maybe he can just fine-tune his 2008 campaign stump speech. Or maybe just rehash his RNC 2004 Convention speech — creepy politce state reference to words from the police at the DNC Boston Convention helping some delegates (the “serve” of “serve and protect”) before saying “You’d better vote for Bush”. Leave that in tact somehow.
Colin Powell — legendary soldier-statesman, who will teach you the skills of “take-charge” leadership. — may retrace himself to his political peak in 1996 — when he commanded huge leads in hypothetical races against Clinton or against Clinton and Dole… due specifically to his refusal to make any type of concrete or real stance on any issue, combined with a solid military background a sure path to commanding respect amongst the political center. This background should make him a solid motivational speaker — vague uplifting rhetoric stitched together with war metaphors. But if he really wants to be bold, Powell could talk about how to overcome selling your soul — it can be billed as “Regaining Your Integrity” or “Retaining some semblance of Self-Respect”– by alluding that day he has called “the worst day of my life” full of “intentionally misleading” words. This could inspire the audience, as they scratch their personal history and figure out how to move on from similar soul-selling moments.
Steve Forbes is there just to allow people to slowly wander in late. Don Shula can just spout out football metaphors, and remind everyone of watching football games in the 1980s — the melding of sales work and leisure.
Altogether, an exercise in futility. May it spring your business’s line-graphs slightly upward, I suppose.