What does the Department of Homeland Security actually DO?

Financed by the Homeland Security Department, school bus drivers are being trained to watch for potential terrorists, people who may be casing their routes or plotting to blow up their buses. Designers of the School Bus Watch program want to turn 600,000 bus drivers into an army of observers, like a counterterrorism watch on wheels. Already mindful of motorists with road rage and kids with weapons, bus drivers are now being warned of far more grisly scenarios. Like this one: terrorists monitor a punctual driver for weeks, then hijack a bus and load the friendly yellow vehicle with enough explosives to take down a building.

Huh. There’s this bizarre concept I have in my mind that says that people in general should know their surroundings enough to understand that if something looks askew, they should check into it. But why enlist them in some governmental security detail? In the scenario laid out here, I can’t say I appreciate what the bus driver is supposed to do. Is the government planning on having our bus drivers packing heat to stop the evil-doers? Otto’s comic book character “Bus Man”, anyone? (A Simpsons reference for you.)

Around 2:15 p.m., Scarbrough says, he answered his office phone and found himself talking to a man who identified himself as Officer R. of the Department of Homeland Security. (I’m withholding the officer’s name; you know, what with Plamegate and all.) Scarbrough was told that he was in violation of the Code of Federal Regulations, the set of rules that govern all executive departments and agencies, and that he was in danger of being cited unless he came out to the parking lot or let the officer come up to his office. Scarbrough chose the first option, and took along a co-worker–also a veteran–and, being an experienced peace activist, a tape recorder. Downstairs, they found two armed officers with “Homeland Security” insignia patches on their shoulders, waiting for them in large white SUVs. Scarbrough informed the officers that he would record their conversation, and […]

“I wasn’t arrested, but I could have been,” Scarbrough recalls. “I was still violated and harassed.” He took the rest of the week off after the incident. But he didn’t just sit and mope. He looked up the rule that the Homeland Security officers referenced, and found that it read:

“All persons entering in or on Federal property are prohibited from: …

(b) Posting or affixing materials, such as pamphlets, handbills, or flyers, on bulletin boards or elsewhere on GSA-controlled property…”

However, after his experience with the “Bushit” sticker last year, he was also quick to reference the Hatch Act, the rules that lay out exactly what political activities federal employees are allowed to participate in. According to the Hatch Act, political bumper stickers are allowed on cars parked on federal property, with no stated limitation on either size or number of stickers. So by the current rules, Scarbrough’s car would seem to be legit–unless the “elsewhere” of the pamphlet rule is meant to extend to personal property as well as government property.

If that’s the case, both Scarbrough and his coworker said, “That’s news to me.” It would also be news to the dozens of people parked in the Natural Resource Complex with bumper stickers reading, among other sentiments, “My Dad is a Marine,” “Create Peace,” “POW/ MIA,” and others of both the pro-choice and pro-life variety.

Okay. Was the Department of Homeland Security in charge of pushing Bush skeptics out of Bush public forums? So we have a gestapo? Just conceptualize them that way, and no story where the “Department of Homeland Security” protudes into areas that don’t look like they should concern such an agency will not have a clash of confusion. Example in waiting:

Two uniformed men strolled into the main room of the Little Falls library in Bethesda one day last week and demanded the attention of all patrons using the computers. Then they made their announcement: The viewing of Internet pornography was forbidden.

The men looked stern and wore baseball caps emblazoned with the words “Homeland Security.” The bizarre scene unfolded Feb. 9, leaving some residents confused and forcing county officials to explain how employees assigned to protect county buildings against terrorists came to see it as their job to police the viewing of pornography.

So the Department of Homeland Security is on the front-lines in the War On Porn? Gawd, I feel safer already!

Of course, I could also ponder Tom DeLay’s use of the Department of Homeland Security in hunting down the Texas Democratic Party when they pulled that stunt of running off to Oklahoma to stop DeLay’s redistricting plan, but now we’re moving from people you can identify with (that is to say, people with bumper stickers, bus drivers, and porn viewers) to politicos. Besides which, that was a couple years ago. The Department of Homeland Security has moved on to… other … things?

2 Responses to “What does the Department of Homeland Security actually DO?”

  1. Jeff Says:

    Do want the truth to it all from someone on the inside? Nothing. It does nothing and is nothing. A complete waste of money.

  2. Justin Says:

    “from someone on the inside?” Ah. The hotmail account is used because if you were to use the governmental email address, you’d lose the anonymity.

Leave a Reply