State of DeUnion

Gerald Ford is credited with giving the most negative State of the Union speech in history — that being the first when it was assumed he would not run for president in his own right. The conceit that came out of Ford’s speech was that no matter how bad the state of the Union may be, a president needs to hammer home a message that America’s brightest days are ahead of us.

Hence, Bush gave this clip at his State of the Union speech in 2002:

As we gather tonight, our nation is at war, our economy is in recession, and the civilized world faces unprecedented dangers. Yet the state of our Union has never been stronger.

I imagine a scenario where America is falling apart at the seams. And the president — let’s call him President Arthur H. Smith — gives us this recitation:

Today, America’s agricultural economy has been decimated by large swarths of locusts. Our drinking water has been destroyed by a strange brew of Acid Rain. Famine has killed off one third of our population. Rape and pillaging are common from coast to coast, in our cities as well as our countryside. Race riots abound, and throughout the country the “New KKK” is doing guerilla battle with the “New Black Panthers”. Three nuclear bombs have utterly destroyed Des Moines, Iowa; Omaha, Nebraska; and Oklahoma City, Oklahoma — and we have no idea who did it or how to respond to these attacks.

I’m here to tell you all: the state of America has never been stronger! (Applause)

I wonder what the Other Party’s Response would be to President Smith’s declaration.

One Response to “State of DeUnion”

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