wire-tapped
From the opening chapter of the 1965 book Night of Camp David, by Fletcher Knebel… the setting is the annual Presidential Gridiron dinner (which, in case you’re uncertain of what is, is most recently famous for Laura Bush making a horse-fucking joke and George Bush joking about those missing weapons of mass destruction)…
“I am delighted to be here this evening,” said President Hollenbach, “and hear the nation’s leading newspapermen tell the truth about me — for a change.” More laughter. “I was especially heartened to see my friends, the Republicans, laughing, … They don’t often succumb to attacks of good humor, you know. Of course, tonight, they never quite got around to laughing at themselves. For a Republican to laugh at himself requires a severe psychological upheaval. Still, tonight, they laughed at me — and that’s a start. After all, they have to begin somewhere. I have faith in this country, and I’m confident that someday, somewhere, somehow, a Republican is going to break out in a big, hearty guffaw, just for the fun of the thing.”
The President paused and took a sip of water. “The Republican capacity for solemnity constantly mystifies me. Perhaps the clue lies in what they say to one another. I’ve often wondered what Republicans talk about in the cloisters of their own minority clan. I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought, and I think I’ve hit on a way to find out. May I advance a suggestion for your consideration …
“I propose,” he said after a brief hesitation, “that the FBI be empowered to maintain an automatic tap on all telephones in the country. The tremendous advantages for crime detection are, of course, obvious. On the other hand, no decent, law-abiding citizen would have anything to fear, since nothing he said could be of interest to a federal investigative body. But — and here’s the point — with a standing wiretap, we Democrats could learn what mysterious substance provides the glue for Republicanism, what indeed it is they say to one another that makes them so gloomy.”
There was a ripple of tittering among the diners and a few laugs. Jim MacVeigh, grinning, turned to Sidney Karper.
“He’s really soaring, isn’t he?”
The Defense Secretary did not smile. “Even in fun,” he replied, “that’s a chilling suggestion.”
MacVeigh eyed his seatmate in surprise, and was about to protest, but another presidential thrust brought a wave of laughter that carried MacVeagh back into the current of Hollenbach’s talk.
[………]
“What did you think of the dinner, Jim?” he [President Hollenbach] asked.
“I liked it. That Republican skit dragged, but those on us were great, really funny. They sure picked on us where we’re vulnerable.”
“O’Malley was duck soup for them, of course,” said Hollenbach. “And it’s always easy to kid the President. He’s everybody’s fall guy.”
“Your little speech at the end was terrific. And you know why — because you spent half the time ribbing yourself after you kidded the opposition.”
“What did you think of the wiretap suggestion?”
“I got a kick of out it,” said MacVeagh with a grin. Then he recalled Sidney Karper’s strange reaction. “But apparently it misfired with some people. I guess the idea of a wiretap on every phone jolted them and they couldn’t take it as a joke.”
“I didn’t mean it as a joke,” said Hollenbach.
“You what?” MacVeagh stared at him.
[ … ]
“Mr. President,” he said slowly, “I’m no civil liberties fanatic, but I do understand our basic freedoms. This thing of yours could be an awful weapon for evil in the wrong hands. Who knows what type of men may succeed you? And then, there are the political repercussions. A proposal like that could murder you this fall.”
…………………………………………….
I suppose the author, in 1965, was looking around the political landscape and seeing Nixon on the horizon. (Or, let’s face it, even looking deeply into the soul of Lyndon Johnson.) But it occurs to me just how quaint this reads. Here in Portland, some group or other has taken it upon themselves to plaster onto public pay phones “This Phone Might be tapped, by Regulation # bibbleybop diddley do of the Patriot Act”.
There is no Fourth Amendment to the Constitution, for all practical purposes. Don’t believe me — next time you’re pulled over and get asked by the police if they can search your car, say “No”, and see what happens. (There’s a circular firing squad in this equation, where the Supreme Court ruled long ago that an answer of “no” to such a question does indeed constituate that probable cause standard by which they may search you.)
Maybe I’m pushing it a little too far here, but maybe I’m not. There is this advertisement on the radio that has annoyed me for the past couple of years…
A 30-second national radio advertisement used the voice of a 20s male with music throughout: “All right, everybody knows “seat belts save lives,” I mean we’ve been hearing that for years – I’m just tellin’ ya your seat belt can save your money and a whole lot of hassle too. Because from coast to coast, cops are cracking down. They have this whole…campaign—“Click It or Ticket.” Pretty simple, you buckle up…or you pay up. Consider this a friendly warning, because cops won’t be giving warnings. Remember, Click It…or Ticket.
The line that chills me regarding this ad, and I’m not entirely sure the Police Association behind the advertisement even realize that they slipped this suggestion through: I’m just tellin’ ya your seat belt can save your money — What this suggests is that the DEFAULT POSITION has you giving money to the government, the police state, what have you… and you get a reprieve from this if you follow through the government’s orders / requests. Otherwise, how are you “saving money”?