The bread-clip was invented by a man who resided in Selah, Washington by the name of Floyd Paxton. I bet you didn't know that, unless you happen to have known that. Quite frankly he has no right to be famous and I don't want to be a pawn in his big publicity machine. After all, what the hell is the significance of the invention of the bread clip? What legacy does the bread-clip bring to civilization? I mean... really what the hell is the significance of the invention of the bread clip? Does it really mean a damned thing, really?

When you think about it, the bread-clip is the most useless invention in the history of mankind. Why? Well... let's see: if it were not for the invention of the bread-clip, mankind would have to be using wiry string to tie their bread bags togehter. And, here's the key part: So the hell what? What would be wrong with using wiry string to tie bread bags together? Can someone tell me that, please? Is using a clip instead of using this wiry string really and truly progress? What the heck is the difference between using bread-clips and using string to tie together bags of bread? Just tell me the difference, please.

Look: go ahead and time yourself. Get some bread with wiry string and get some bread with a bread-clip. Time yourself as you untie both. Then, calculate out the difference. How much time do you save with the bread-clip, I mean really? You save, if you are a really slow wiry string-tier, a total of about fifteen seconds by substituting the bread-clip for the wiry string.

Were you going to use those extra 15 seconds in any way productively??? What were you going to do: spend an extra 15 seconds of much-needed quality time with your kid??

I highly doubt it.

So, in summary, it really would not be too big a determent to society if the inventor of the bread-clip were to have not made his so-called big contribution to our society. So quit celebrating his birthday! And... don't you dare vote him into elected office, or we're all skewered.

I mean, after all, look at his political affiliation: the inventor of the plastic thing was a guy by the name of Floyd Paxton- His politics could be summized by the fact that he was a leader of the John Birch Society for a time. EVERY TIME you buy a bread-clip- the patent owned by the Paxton family's Kwik Lox Corporation, a portion of the profits goes to the John Birch Society.

Then again, if a consumer thinks that way, their head will spin.)

And will someone out there please invent something useful, like the sporkni I'm about to get a patent on?

The most important inventions in the history of mankind, in case you are curious, is the trio inventions of controlled fire, the computer, and the paper clip.

Because, as should be obvious, before the advent of controlled fire, all fire was out of control.

And, I want to rethink calling the bread-clip the most useless invention in the history of mankind. The most useless invention in the history of mankind is, in actuality, the television set. But don't kill your t.v. because that is a stupid-assed bumper sticker slogan. And pretension stinks.

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