My ALIEN ABDUCTIOn
i remember being picked up by some odd creatures in the middle of the night. I hoped at the time that it would turn out to be a dream, but it is now clear that my experience was very real.
When they got me on the ship, they seemed to try to put me at ease. They offered me some coca-cola, which i opted to reject because of the role i seemed to be playing: they had kidnapped me, had they not??
Eventually, i was asked to take off my clothes. i became understandably nervous and uncomfortable -more so than i was before. i was afraid and tried to imagine what kind of weird sexual experiments they were about to perform on me.
thus it was with some relief that they did not perform any sexual experiments on me. in fact, they seemed to in a weird way respect my privacy by adverting their eyes away from my private parts.
what they wanted to see was my clothing. eventually, it became clear by the way the alien that remained in the room with me was inspecting my pants pocket that they were searching and scraping out pieces of lint.
i knew what he was doing, but i asked him anyway: "what is it you are doing, anyway?"
he told me that the only thing the they wanted were pieces of lint.
i became slightly agitated. i blurted out, quite angrily "If all you wanted was my pocket lint, why couldn't you have just asked me to scrape all the lint out of my pockets and give it to you?!"
the alien stood there for a minute in contemplation. Then he told me, "that is a good idea. You know, you are the 458th human we have abducted, and you're the first one who came up with that idea? I will be sure to tell my supervisor about that idea."
after a moment of awkward silence, i asked the alien why it was they wanted people's pocket lint. the alien quickly answered: "you can tell more about a civiliz- ation by seeking out and analyzing the little, seemingly insignificant artifacts than anything else. this lint tells us everything from the manner in which you manufacture your clothing to the intracracies of the way you sit down. it is the most valuable thing from your entire planet, and it informs us of much more than you probably want us to know about you."
i pondered that for a second. i then asked the alien if i could have any of his lint, if he had any. He obliged, gladly.
i returned to earth. that night, i looked at the lint with a microscpe. i noticed nothing about it that was special. i decided that the alien was b.s.ing me, and that they really just wanted an excuse to study our species in our nudity.
i was disgusted.
	copyright 1999 jhowards